So I had this migraine last night, right.  Out of nowhere, pain.  Took drugs.  All good.  But this morning when I woke up I was feeling like the bottom of a birdcage... really yuk.  I was also stressing about the massively behind editing work that was waiting for me to pull a Spectacular on it.

Then I realised... if I wasn't expecting myself to pull a Spectacular, I'd feel relatively ok.  Ok enough to potter around (after cleaning my teeth, of course).

So I decided to drift back to sleep as I dearly wanted to do.  And I woke up at 9am, and I pottered.  And I did a bit of desultory errand running, and then around 2pm I settled down to work.

And I got more done than I expected to.

I had recently noticed that the stress of disappointing others or failing in my promises was more of an issue than I had realised. This confirms it.

 "The strange thing was, everyone was saying I was so brave. I thought no, if I’d admitted to wearing a French maid’s outfit and dancing around churchyards, that would be brave, and admitting to liking Harry Potter would be suicidal, but saying I’ve got Alzheimer’s—it’s not like you do anything bad to get it, so I can’t quite put my finger on it." (full article here)

Well said, Mr Pratchett - and the same goes for Multiple Sclerosis too.

Still enjoying the ability to clean, cook & launder.  

I have now baked a cake from scratch, rubbing in the butter with own fair - and scrupulously clean - fingers.  It was yum too.  Arm still not dropped off.

I feel a spring-clean coming on... oh dear, will this madness never cease?

It's been 2 years in the making, but I have done housework and I have been undamaged afterwards.

O frabjous day, kaloo kelay!

Now I can go back to loathing and avoiding housework like everyone else in the world, eh?

Did some ironing yesterday.  Even with my friend's fantastic steam iron, my arm is rather sore today.  I even have a trigger point in my pec'.

So ironing joins painting, sanding and scrubbing in the "things Moocow can only do in 1 minute increments with at least 5-10 minutes off in between".

I guess i better start buying drip-dry clothes, eh?

It wouldn't have been all the computer work, I'm sure ;0)

I'm realising that this blog is suffering as I'm on holiday.  I try to stop by, but I only blether on about physical symptoms (usually negative) and this is biasing the sample.

Today I had the excitement of realising that I was able to feel the floor with my right foot with the same degree of sensitivity as my left foot.  It's been a while, so this was EXTREMELY EXCITING to me.

The pleasure of being on holiday is not that my medical issues went away, but that I'm increasingly stronger and happier around them.  So they inflict less suffering on me.

I also feel that I am getting a valuable lesson in not needing so much control in order to be happy.  I'm becoming less addicted to needing a specific outcome.  It helps to be less:  "when I can feel the floor with my right foot I will be totally and entirely happy" and more:  "wow, I am feeling totally and entirely happy right now... and hey, I can feel the floor too!"  After all, the two facts have little causative link!

When I go off exploring, I am less likely to require of myself that I see a particular sight.  Instead I have a broad plan, and then I see where the path and my fancy takes me.  Letting go of:  "oh, that laneway looks interesting... but I need to save my strength to visit my objective" is a considerable increase in both my sense of wellbeing, and my capacity.  Often, if I follow my whim, and don't stress about capacity, I then have enough energy to do both things.

Clearly, stress was an issue for me.

But the other explanation is that I'm like a toddler.  Toddlers can walk many, many miles, as long as they do it at their own pace.  But if you try to drag them at a set pace, they have very little stamina.  So it's the external compulsion that is a problem.

When I stop worrying about time (so much, I still rely on public transport) I can take rests when I want/need them, and that helps my stamina not just today but tomorrow as well.  It's definitely cumulative.

 Improved this week.  Just my right arm being numb because I'm doing too much computer work.

Shortest post eva or wot?

 Feeling fine today.  Last night was obviously the nadir.

Today I've been out for a run, I felt so fine.  Plan to go to bed early, but other than that...

Sorry to moan.  I was feeling rough last night, but a final dose of drugs and a good sleep sorted everything.

Thank you for your sympathy, <lj-user="sjkasabi"> and artistgirl.

I've been so quiet of late, you'll have realised that I've been frightfully well - for me!

It couldn't quite last.  The swine flu made a visit within my circle of daily contact. I waxed proud when I didn't succumb...

Pride goeth before a fall...

I'm flu-free, but I've had either migraine or pre-migraine for several days, and have been sleeping for England (10-14 hours per night). Also creaky joints, puffiness (tends to mean I'm fighting off infection) and generalised vagueness.  Stuff like transposing letters when writing simple words, and forgetting words, and indeed names I usually know perfectly well... Let alone where I put down my glass of water...

As my work was temporarily on hold, it hasn't mattered too much.  But it keeps surprising me when I start to do things and find myself exhausted.

Had two near-migraines in the past week.  This means migraines that are noticed early, when I take drugs and go to sleep and they go away, leaving me only a little fragile afterward.  There may be some hormonal implications there, although I think copious amounts of cream in last night's dessert, along with (for me) copious amounts of red wine and staying up till midnight because I was drinking said wine in a very comfy armchair and no-one required me to talk to them, so I kept thinking "I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed" but continued sitting there... I think all of those played their part too.

So it seems I can have up to 3 triggers, and get away with it (provided I'm not overtired or stressed) but 4 or more is a bridge too far.

Haven't had a massive migraine for a fortnight, and my neck was out of whack then, which was the trigger.  Mind you, that one was truly horrible.  Just to remind me, apparently.

Why is it that when I am routinely online, you all post the merest "still alive" postings.  Yet if I go off-air for about 5 days, I come back to a minimum of two pages of eventful stuff??

Is it a conspiracy?  (that is a joke)

 Did a quick cruise through Flist so I roughly know what you're up to - those of you posting.

Can't reply because wifi is surprisingly low, and I'm supposed to be doing some actual paid work to a big deadline - which would be why I'm phaffing about here:  (thinks) <i>I can't possibly do my work without at least checking that no-one's died, had a baby, had a promotion, renovated, or cooked something nice for dinner...</i>

I've been quietly domesticated for the past few days.  Only 1 migraine.

 I'm still alive.  I cooked some veggie mash today so I have meals for a couple of days.  I stewed some plums.

I'm busy doing some writing.

you know how it is.  Just caught up a week of reading.  Phew.

I've been to another 21st, and I drank 1.5 glasses of wine, so I'm rather giddy. Also I'm a bit ramped up at the moment. There seems to be a lot on, and I am socialising a lot (for me...ie. some which is wonderful, but... It would be nice to have no ambivalence about seeing people I love and don't see enough of. I don't actually have the ambivalence at the time, its later when I collapse like a marionette with the strings cut. O well... its not like this giddy whirl will go-on indefinitely. These days I don't collapse during socialisation, so that would be progress, then.

My physio is very happy with my progress. ( Read more... )

Am doing all the irritating jobs that tend to crop up in the latter end of the Financial Year. ( Read more... )

I am behind on my writing. I have permission to do the work on hand next week so I will have a day off tomorrow. Hooray!

Oh yes, I saw Star Trek film last night. It was great. Stupid, but great.

Just received some lovely feedback:

"X and I were just saying how much of a difference you have made to the project with your vigour and flair."

Well, shucks. I'd say "it weren't nothin'" but it was too. Hence megalomaniac pride.

Well, I haven't watched it often this season, then got (re)hooked in the final 3 episodes, and I blubbed like a baby while watching last night's season finale of House.

*the rest of this post & associated links contain spoilers I tried to do a cut but its a bit erratic.

( Read more... )

Did some work on another writing task yesterday, which is due COB Monday. Took Thursday off in lieu of the midnight oil I'd burned Wednesday night (and, indeed, Thursday morning). Was a bit spacey and slow, but survived better than I expected. No migraine. Hurrah!!

Thursday, treated myself to a new pillow. Who knew that personal happiness could be purchased for $60? I chose the Easyrest Luxury Pillow: latex with pincore ventilation system, non-allergenic, with a cotton japara cover. This pillow works for back or side sleepers (I'm both). Had a test-nap on it Thursday afternoon and it was lovely. Now I've had two night's sleep on it, and I'm beginning to feel like a new woman. I've discovered that daily neck ache isn't just because I'm middle-aged, it was partly because of the pillow! And now it's gone away.

Have done some evil clothes shopping, egged on by my so-called friends who took me into temptation's way. Santa Rudd helped fund the extravagance of a new top and a new skirt. Add that to the skirt I had taken in last week, and I practically have a new winter wardrobe. Of course its all black or charcoal grey, so I may have to do something about that...

My nephew has a milestone birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, and I am so far ahead of the game, I have bought the gift. I wonder what else I can have forgotten?

Hubby continues with housing renovations which were going to take "a couple of weeks" back a couple of months ago. But who's counting? I believe that new tenants have been engaged so it has to end soon so they can take possession. Hubby is very cheerful when he has a project on the go.

My distressing symptoms (of various sorts) are subsiding, which is a blessing. Thank God for antibiotics.

Been off LJ because I was already spending enough hours in front of a computer screen, and because my arm gave out on me from all the typing. It was incredibly sore on Sunday, and on Tuesday the physio said, "I'm not surprised" as I had adhesions and tendonitis in the shoulder. It's that pesky infra spinata (and all the other rotator cuff muscles). Still went to see Crusher on Friday, so I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

16 hours in the making... five of them since 4pm this afternoon. Oer... I'm so over it. I get a break now while some other poor bugger has to read it.

Seeing as its 3.45am, I wonder how many tpyos tehre are ni it?

The reward for a job well done is going to be a new pillow, but right now I'm off to visit the old one.

Well, as if the digestive "issues" weren't enough, I have today discovered I have another boil. That would be in the same extremely sensitive and already disconcerted area in which I had the last one.

That could explain why I've been feeling very tired today, I guess. What a pain in the ass! (In every sense.)

I went back and searched LJ and I last had one...in the first week of May, last year. Oer, it could be an annual infliction! Or is this just the bit of the year coming into winter when my immune system does a nose dive? Who can say...

I guess I'll be off to the doctor tomorrow or the next day for some antibiotics. Which will really help the digestive issues, I'll bet. *frowns peevishly*

Other than all of that, I'm actually in quite good shape. Sigh.

I have been having some difficulties with my digestive system. It's a problem with commitment, really - the food refuses to hang around long enough to nourish me. On the plus side, I lost 4kg in 2 days, most of which I'll gain back in the next week. I won't share further, you've probably got the idea.

It's probably just a *thing* but if it continues I'll have to have it investigated, because, like everything else I have, it's probably nothing but it could be something awful. splodgenoodles - I have even more respect for your amazing coping abilities now that I've experienced a mere toe-wetting of your oceanic experiences.

As such, I am behind at contract work. So I am working on 3 different jobs, moving between them whenever I have done "some" or "enough for now" on any one. I am finding this rather flighty approach is quite productive and fun. My inner naughty-child likes not having to finish her veggies before she has dessert. In a sense, I am taking a few bites from entree, main and dessert according to my own whims. And at the end of a certain period, all will have been dealt with. (It sure cuts down on the mutinous "I don't want to eat my broccoli!!".

I was given a Mother's Day gift today. It was from a colleague who told me she thought i deserved it since my business is my baby (and anyway, my business involves a lot of contact with and support of children). So nice! [If you're a mother and feel confronted by this, please do not hesitate to keep your outrage to yourself.]

The fork soup I posted about last week has been one of the things I can eat responsibly. I have had to reduce my caffeine habit. Today I had 1.5 coffees, but only because I was getting a migraine. After nearly 5 days on "a sip if I'm lucky" I'm bouncing off the walls right now. I'm off anything fatty, nuts & seeds, popcorn etc., and fresh fruit. Thank god for Pringles faux-potato chips, which you can suck down to sludge. It's hard to eat a rational amount when you don't feel you're enjoying food.

I had a really *interesting* dream recently, but I haven't time to post it now.