Chewing the Cudd Mk2

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-10-29T22:08:00

2009-10-29T11:30:04Z

So I had this migraine last night, right. Out of nowhere, pain. Took drugs. All good. But this morning when I woke up I was feeling like the bottom of a birdcage... really yuk. I was also stressing about the massively behind editing work that was waiting for me to pull a Spectacular on it.

Then I realised... if I wasn't expecting myself to pull a Spectacular, I'd feel relatively ok. Ok enough to potter around (after cleaning my teeth, of course).

So I decided to drift back to sleep as I dearly wanted to do. And I woke up at 9am, and I pottered. And I did a bit of desultory errand running, and then around 2pm I settled down to work.

And I got more done than I expected to.

I had recently noticed that the stress of disappointing others or failing in my promises was more of an issue than I had realised. This confirms it.

Brave?

2009-10-15T10:53:00Z

"The strange thing was, everyone was saying I was so brave. I thought no, if I’d admitted to wearing a French maid’s outfit and dancing around churchyards, that would be brave, and admitting to liking Harry Potter would be suicidal, but saying I’ve got Alzheimer’s—it’s not like you do anything bad to get it, so I can’t quite put my finger on it." (full article here)

Well said, Mr Pratchett - and the same goes for Multiple Sclerosis too.

Bovine Domesticae Tragicus

2009-10-12T09:10:24Z

Still enjoying the ability to clean, cook & launder.

I have now baked a cake from scratch, rubbing in the butter with own fair - and scrupulously clean - fingers. It was yum too. Arm still not dropped off.

I feel a spring-clean coming on... oh dear, will this madness never cease?

Progress

2009-10-04T07:06:33Z

It's been 2 years in the making, but I have done housework and I have been undamaged afterwards.

O frabjous day, kaloo kelay!

Now I can go back to loathing and avoiding housework like everyone else in the world, eh?

Ironing is bad for me...

2009-08-15T06:55:29Z

Did some ironing yesterday. Even with my friend's fantastic steam iron, my arm is rather sore today. I even have a trigger point in my pec'.

So ironing joins painting, sanding and scrubbing in the "things Moocow can only do in 1 minute increments with at least 5-10 minutes off in between".

I guess i better start buying drip-dry clothes, eh?

It wouldn't have been all the computer work, I'm sure ;0)

On holiday thoughts

2009-08-10T17:25:18Z

I'm realising that this blog is suffering as I'm on holiday. I try to stop by, but I only blether on about physical symptoms (usually negative) and this is biasing the sample.

Today I had the excitement of realising that I was able to feel the floor with my right foot with the same degree of sensitivity as my left foot. It's been a while, so this was EXTREMELY EXCITING to me.

The pleasure of being on holiday is not that my medical issues went away, but that I'm increasingly stronger and happier around them. So they inflict less suffering on me.

I also feel that I am getting a valuable lesson in not needing so much control in order to be happy. I'm becoming less addicted to needing a specific outcome. It helps to be less: "when I can feel the floor with my right foot I will be totally and entirely happy" and more: "wow, I am feeling totally and entirely happy right now... and hey, I can feel the floor too!" After all, the two facts have little causative link!

When I go off exploring, I am less likely to require of myself that I see a particular sight. Instead I have a broad plan, and then I see where the path and my fancy takes me. Letting go of: "oh, that laneway looks interesting... but I need to save my strength to visit my objective" is a considerable increase in both my sense of wellbeing, and my capacity. Often, if I follow my whim, and don't stress about capacity, I then have enough energy to do both things.

Clearly, stress was an issue for me.

But the other explanation is that I'm like a toddler. Toddlers can walk many, many miles, as long as they do it at their own pace. But if you try to drag them at a set pace, they have very little stamina. So it's the external compulsion that is a problem.

When I stop worrying about time (so much, I still rely on public transport) I can take rests when I want/need them, and that helps my stamina not just today but tomorrow as well. It's definitely cumulative.

Still here.

2009-08-05T17:22:44Z

Improved this week. Just my right arm being numb because I'm doing too much computer work.

Shortest post eva or wot?

Go figure...

2009-07-22T18:39:41Z

Feeling fine today. Last night was obviously the nadir.

Today I've been out for a run, I felt so fine. Plan to go to bed early, but other than that...

Sorry to moan. I was feeling rough last night, but a final dose of drugs and a good sleep sorted everything.

Thank you for your sympathy, <lj-user="sjkasabi"> and artistgirl.

My hyper immune system

2009-07-21T18:01:41Z

I've been so quiet of late, you'll have realised that I've been frightfully well - for me!

It couldn't quite last. The swine flu made a visit within my circle of daily contact. I waxed proud when I didn't succumb...

Pride goeth before a fall...

I'm flu-free, but I've had either migraine or pre-migraine for several days, and have been sleeping for England (10-14 hours per night). Also creaky joints, puffiness (tends to mean I'm fighting off infection) and generalised vagueness. Stuff like transposing letters when writing simple words, and forgetting words, and indeed names I usually know perfectly well... Let alone where I put down my glass of water...

As my work was temporarily on hold, it hasn't mattered too much. But it keeps surprising me when I start to do things and find myself exhausted.

Moocow Headology

2009-07-02T17:16:03Z

Had two near-migraines in the past week. This means migraines that are noticed early, when I take drugs and go to sleep and they go away, leaving me only a little fragile afterward. There may be some hormonal implications there, although I think copious amounts of cream in last night's dessert, along with (for me) copious amounts of red wine and staying up till midnight because I was drinking said wine in a very comfy armchair and no-one required me to talk to them, so I kept thinking "I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed" but continued sitting there... I think all of those played their part too.

So it seems I can have up to 3 triggers, and get away with it (provided I'm not overtired or stressed) but 4 or more is a bridge too far.

Haven't had a massive migraine for a fortnight, and my neck was out of whack then, which was the trigger. Mind you, that one was truly horrible. Just to remind me, apparently.

Why is it so?

2009-06-29T09:09:39Z

Why is it that when I am routinely online, you all post the merest "still alive" postings. Yet if I go off-air for about 5 days, I come back to a minimum of two pages of eventful stuff??

Is it a conspiracy? (that is a joke)

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-06-16T10:09:00

2009-06-16T09:12:18Z

Did a quick cruise through Flist so I roughly know what you're up to - those of you posting.

Can't reply because wifi is surprisingly low, and I'm supposed to be doing some actual paid work to a big deadline - which would be why I'm phaffing about here: (thinks) <i>I can't possibly do my work without at least checking that no-one's died, had a baby, had a promotion, renovated, or cooked something nice for dinner...</i>

I've been quietly domesticated for the past few days. Only 1 migraine.

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-06-10T23:56:00

2009-06-10T22:57:34Z

I'm still alive. I cooked some veggie mash today so I have meals for a couple of days. I stewed some plums.

I'm busy doing some writing.

you know how it is. Just caught up a week of reading. Phew.

bovine ramblings

2009-05-30T10:59:49Z

I've been to another 21st, and I drank 1.5 glasses of wine, so I'm rather giddy. Also I'm a bit ramped up at the moment. There seems to be a lot on, and I am socialising a lot (for me...ie. some which is wonderful, but... It would be nice to have no ambivalence about seeing people I love and don't see enough of. I don't actually have the ambivalence at the time, its later when I collapse like a marionette with the strings cut. O well... its not like this giddy whirl will go-on indefinitely. These days I don't collapse during socialisation, so that would be progress, then.

My physio is very happy with my progress. She has gone off for her long holiday and told me to keep going with my current exercise regime, increasing either the weight or the repetitions but NEVER both. One of my new exercises involves holding about a 100gm jar in my right hand, then flexing the wrist sideways and down. If I bear any weight at all while doing that, my elbow grinds alarmingly. Crusher asked me not to do it anymore until my phsyio gave that exercise her blessing. Physio did, but said she thinks its damage where the tendons meet the bone, and I'm to use very light weights. I said, "O right, like a kilo?" and she said, "less" to that any every other suggestion until I mentioned a 100gm tin of tuna or similar!! I go back in a couple of months for a further review, and if they're happy then, she'll discharge me.

So, 5 months in a brace, and 13 months of weekly physio, and I'm nearly as good as new. As long as you don't want me to carry much. But seriously, my range of movement is much improved, and the pesky humeral rhythm has begun to kick in. If I'm well enough to train 3 times per week, the muscles really start to get the idea. If I try to train when I have an infection (and therefore inflammation) I get tendonitis, and end up worse off again.

Am doing all the irritating jobs that tend to crop up in the latter end of the Financial Year. Getting periodical payments transferred from one credit card to another, so that they are allocated correctly for tax purposes, closing irrelevant accounts, opening others... and then discovering that the bank has out-of-date addresses for you... This morning Hubby & I spent a whole hour in the bank after we went in to get a PIN put on my new Handycard... The young CSR said, "But its all done now, and you probably won't have to come back again?" To which we replied, "We have spent - literally - FOUR HOURS in this establishment in the past 3 weeks. So we certainly hope so."

I am behind on my writing. I have permission to do the work on hand next week so I will have a day off tomorrow. Hooray!

Oh yes, I saw Star Trek film last night. It was great. Stupid, but great.

Blush & Brag

2009-05-21T07:16:31Z

Just received some lovely feedback:

"X and I were just saying how much of a difference you have made to the project with your vigour and flair."

Well, shucks. I'd say "it weren't nothin'" but it was too. Hence megalomaniac pride.

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-05-21T07:56:00

2009-05-20T22:25:27Z

Well, I haven't watched it often this season, then got (re)hooked in the final 3 episodes, and I blubbed like a baby while watching last night's season finale of House.

*the rest of this post & associated links contain spoilers I tried to do a cut but its a bit erratic.

Here are a couple of articles that do cover my basic feelings about the recent developments: short & long. I enjoyed reading the reader responses to the short article too.

I agree with Ginia Bellafante, I fell for the sucker punch. I was completely complicit in my own deception.

Considering House had just told Cuddy: "that's right go home to suckle the little bastard that makes you feel good about yourself", how likely was it that she would turn around and help him de-tox? (Well, ok, that bit is kinda plausible, especially if you bought - as I did - that Cuddy would *somehow* recognise this completely unforgiveable statement as an attention-getting, drug-induced <i>cri du coeur</i> from a desperate man, rather than his *real* opinion). But yes, how less likely is it that after holding his head over a toilet bowel, and racing him for the last vicodin hiding under the bathroom sink, she would then make passionate love with him (to me it was clearly depicted as "lurv" rather than "just sex" even if it turns out it was only happening inside House's fantasy). It was wrong, it was innappropriate, it was unlikely, and I LOVED IT SO MUCH. I waited five years for that damn kiss... I knew the writers would make me pay, but I wanted the gratification, and I never expected they'd actually give it to me, so I was in no position to ask questions... kinda like House himself, eh?

One of the article readers says "If House is going to have a break down, I want to see it and be a part of it, and not have it revealed to me in the last five minutes of the episode." ).To which I reply, I was pretty sure that was what was going on. I, for one, didn't want House going in a normal fashion. In the last couple of episodes he's been hallucinating, over-over medicating, misdiagnosing, not sleeping: how mentally ill do you need him to be?

This is similar to some respondents complained about the "sixth sense" ending. I liked it. It so perfectly undermined House's belief he was in control even of his psychosis. It's hubris, right up there with Oedipus. When Amber appears and tells him this was all just a story he was telling himself - a beautiful story but just a story - well, that would be when I started blubbing.

I was played, but I was played by a group of experts. Ooh yeah, we got to have our cake, eat it and then find out we were eating sand all along, and still feel kind of satisfied with it.

Other respondents wondered how Cameron could feel so okay on her wedding day if House wasn't there, and pointed to how grim, cliche & nineteenth century the Mental Hospital was that House is delivered to. I thought by this time we are seeing things as House is experiencing/imagining them. I had no idea whether I was seeing Cameron & Chase's wedding, or just House's idea of that wedding.

I do wonder if there will be a Season Six of House. But if there is, I'll give it a go.

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-05-16T15:17:00

2009-05-16T05:33:06Z

Did some work on another writing task yesterday, which is due COB Monday. Took Thursday off in lieu of the midnight oil I'd burned Wednesday night (and, indeed, Thursday morning). Was a bit spacey and slow, but survived better than I expected. No migraine. Hurrah!!

Thursday, treated myself to a new pillow. Who knew that personal happiness could be purchased for $60? I chose the Easyrest Luxury Pillow: latex with pincore ventilation system, non-allergenic, with a cotton japara cover. This pillow works for back or side sleepers (I'm both). Had a test-nap on it Thursday afternoon and it was lovely. Now I've had two night's sleep on it, and I'm beginning to feel like a new woman. I've discovered that daily neck ache isn't just because I'm middle-aged, it was partly because of the pillow! And now it's gone away.

Have done some evil clothes shopping, egged on by my so-called friends who took me into temptation's way. Santa Rudd helped fund the extravagance of a new top and a new skirt. Add that to the skirt I had taken in last week, and I practically have a new winter wardrobe. Of course its all black or charcoal grey, so I may have to do something about that...

My nephew has a milestone birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, and I am so far ahead of the game, I have bought the gift. I wonder what else I can have forgotten?

Hubby continues with housing renovations which were going to take "a couple of weeks" back a couple of months ago. But who's counting? I believe that new tenants have been engaged so it has to end soon so they can take possession. Hubby is very cheerful when he has a project on the go.

My distressing symptoms (of various sorts) are subsiding, which is a blessing. Thank God for antibiotics.

Been off LJ because I was already spending enough hours in front of a computer screen, and because my arm gave out on me from all the typing. It was incredibly sore on Sunday, and on Tuesday the physio said, "I'm not surprised" as I had adhesions and tendonitis in the shoulder. It's that pesky infra spinata (and all the other rotator cuff muscles). Still went to see Crusher on Friday, so I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Ding! Dong! the draft is Dead!

2009-05-13T17:45:41Z

16 hours in the making... five of them since 4pm this afternoon. Oer... I'm so over it. I get a break now while some other poor bugger has to read it.

Seeing as its 3.45am, I wonder how many tpyos tehre are ni it?

The reward for a job well done is going to be a new pillow, but right now I'm off to visit the old one.

Seriously tmi...again!

2009-05-06T07:51:16Z

Well, as if the digestive "issues" weren't enough, I have today discovered I have another boil. That would be in the same extremely sensitive and already disconcerted area in which I had the last one.

That could explain why I've been feeling very tired today, I guess. What a pain in the ass! (In every sense.)

I went back and searched LJ and I last had one...in the first week of May, last year. Oer, it could be an annual infliction! Or is this just the bit of the year coming into winter when my immune system does a nose dive? Who can say...

I guess I'll be off to the doctor tomorrow or the next day for some antibiotics. Which will really help the digestive issues, I'll bet. *frowns peevishly*

Other than all of that, I'm actually in quite good shape. Sigh.

Gut reactions

2009-05-05T09:32:35Z

I have been having some difficulties with my digestive system. It's a problem with commitment, really - the food refuses to hang around long enough to nourish me. On the plus side, I lost 4kg in 2 days, most of which I'll gain back in the next week. I won't share further, you've probably got the idea.

It's probably just a *thing* but if it continues I'll have to have it investigated, because, like everything else I have, it's probably nothing but it could be something awful. splodgenoodles - I have even more respect for your amazing coping abilities now that I've experienced a mere toe-wetting of your oceanic experiences.

As such, I am behind at contract work. So I am working on 3 different jobs, moving between them whenever I have done "some" or "enough for now" on any one. I am finding this rather flighty approach is quite productive and fun. My inner naughty-child likes not having to finish her veggies before she has dessert. In a sense, I am taking a few bites from entree, main and dessert according to my own whims. And at the end of a certain period, all will have been dealt with. (It sure cuts down on the mutinous "I don't want to eat my broccoli!!".

I was given a Mother's Day gift today. It was from a colleague who told me she thought i deserved it since my business is my baby (and anyway, my business involves a lot of contact with and support of children). So nice! [If you're a mother and feel confronted by this, please do not hesitate to keep your outrage to yourself.]

The fork soup I posted about last week has been one of the things I can eat responsibly. I have had to reduce my caffeine habit. Today I had 1.5 coffees, but only because I was getting a migraine. After nearly 5 days on "a sip if I'm lucky" I'm bouncing off the walls right now. I'm off anything fatty, nuts & seeds, popcorn etc., and fresh fruit. Thank god for Pringles faux-potato chips, which you can suck down to sludge. It's hard to eat a rational amount when you don't feel you're enjoying food.

I had a really *interesting* dream recently, but I haven't time to post it now.

Mooo!

2009-05-01T08:57:10Z

The telecommuting is eating into my LJ time, for sure. I've been busy writing this week, and doing Domestic Goddessery and a spot of Shopping Fairydom in my "spare" time. (it was nice to have an excuse to stay away from the hot laptop for an hour.)

Next week may be even busier, as I am doing some fixing up of some writing for another team-member. The other team members are mostly subject experts, whereas I am the wordsmith of the undertaking. I gather they have worked out I'm the fastest writer on the team too. At the rate I'm getting, I'm kind of underpaid, but as its enough for now and I get to do it from home, I'm not complaining. It's just that future gigs will have a higher rate, especially as I can explain how cost-effective it is.

I received a pat on the head by shrink this week. Being a good woman and CBT-trained, she isn't all "oh you poor thing, I can see you're trying..." she's more, "Yep, we all have problems, so what have you done to overcome them this week?" So a pat on the head is a prize worth perservering for. There's also the fact that I'm feeling more peaceful in myself - inner and outer reward, cool!

I don't know why I'm sneezing so much today. It doesn't seem dustier than usual. My eyes are red as well.

I saw Crusher today, and am having a "makeup" session with him on Monday. My physio has slightly lowered my weights in favour of upping the repeats. I'm apparently "guarding" out of habit - so my forearm muscles lock when I move my R arm, and this is not good for them. I feel very Zen about making all my movements free and easy.

Thanks to drwhacky for expert fact-finding assistance this week. Above and beyond, and very much appreciated.

Gotta go, Hubbius is here with the take-away for dinner.

A Cow on an E-Bike?

2009-04-27T07:51:16Z

I have been thinking quite seriously about buying an electric bike. Or at least, saving for one.

I quite like riding a bicycle, but there are hills around the cowbyre that are not moocow-friendly. (In case you're wondering, I'm somewhat willing to push the bike UP the hill, but I'm quite frankly terrified of the speeds one can acquire going DOWN, based on horrible past experiences) There is also the issue of "tired days" when I would be more likely to undertake local errands if I had transport. Much of my life now occurs within 15km, but it would be nice if a trip to the Botanical Gardens didn't require two trams. And there are days when I don't have much choice for my daily bevvy, as I can only walk to the local.

If you need more persuading, a local company has a list of 10 Good Reasons (which they've sourced from the UK, but it does seem to broadly apply).

I particularly like the idea that they actually encourage exercise. On reading the local Victorian Traffic laws there may be good evidence for this. Effectively, to qualify as a "bicycle" rather than a "motorbike", the engine has to be auxilliary, and the pedals provide the primary power. There are some alarming newspaper articles in NSW, of e-cyclists who have been "done" for driving an unlicensed vehicle because they weren't pedalling at all!

I like the look of this, although I worry the pedals are too short - seems to me I'll need the engine on hills bigger than a bump.

Nope, now I'm in love with the tricycle version (you'll have to scroll down past the text for piccies). Sure it's twice the price, but it's so pretty and practical. I think I'm in love.

Romantic Fantasy, anyone?

2009-04-27T07:25:22Z

Courtesy of drwhacky, here's an article about the enduring - and increasing - popularity of romance fiction: www.walrusmagazine.com/print/2009.05-don-gillmor-harlequin-romance/

And it's written by a man.

It's many years since I had a stab at writing one of these. I do agree with the quote that they're easy to parody and hard to write.

mishymoocow_2 @ 2009-04-27T15:56:00

2009-04-27T05:56:47Z

I have made a delicious lamb, barley & veg "fork soup". Using slow cooker, put veg and meat in with 2 cups of chicken stock and some herbs. I used 6 bbq lamb chops, 1 lge onion (diced), 2 parsnips, 4 potatoes, 4 carrots, couple of sticks of celery and 6 mushrooms. Lamb herbs (rosemary, thyme, marjoram, savory, sage, mint), and a slice of lemon zest - I find this last is very important. After 4 hours or so, I put 1 cup of pearl barley in a separate pot with 3 cups of water and 1 stock cube. Simmer barley for 35 mins and set aside without draining. Remove the chops from the pot, they will fall apart. Debone and remove large chunks of fat. Remaining flesh will fall apart nicely if you wave a knife at it. Throw meat & barley into slow cooker, throw in "enough" frozen peas. Stir up. Cook for another hour or so. Use a masher and break up the large chunks of vegetables into something smaller. Don't get too finnicky, this is meant to be good peasant fare. It even tasted good the same night, and I expect it will be extra good tonight. For dessert, I stewed pears and dried fruit salad in some green ginger wine, spice and a drop of water. After all that domestic goddess-yness, I am pretty tired today. I have done some admin that was becoming a HUGE guilt-god in my mind. So I feel relieved but a bit overstimulated. My BAS is due tomorrow, and I haven't done the last one yet. My bad. I don't think I can do 6 months of account reconciliations in one night. I know I don't want to. I have to ease off on the BONES dvds: last night I had nightmares the whole night, involving multiple serial killers who were, if not actually after me, rather hard to avoid. of course, the serial killers may just represent the accounts that I haven't done, I guess.

Sleep Deprived Doodles....

2009-04-22T11:26:33Z

Finished - to a given amount of finished - the writing assignment. Stayed up until 1am to do so. Was wired. Still am, not-so-surprisingly.

Have discovered in myself a latent talent for soap opera. In one part of the assignment, I needed to flesh out some scenarios with names, etc. I had to put the characters into various sticky situations, then write a possible (plausible?) outcome for them. woo hooo! I wrote 'n wrote, then I wrote some more. Initial feedback is cautiously positive, and rather amused.

So that's off my desk and I have begun doing some copyediting for a friend which I have been trying to get to for ages.... but paid work does have to come first. Did that till my brains dribbled out my ears.

Have also spent a refreshing hour deep cleaning the home office/sewing room. It honestly worries me a little how therapeutic removing dust from crannies is for me. I pulled out desks, shelving etc and wet-dusted the skirting boards. Really, I think I might need help OTOH... I haven't sneezed as much tonight. And the cleaning fit is a very intermittent hobby.

Was totally outraged by Lie to Me last night. The episode began with a disclaimer that the plot was not based on any actual case. Just as well... A corrupt immigration official was using young Indian women in a surrogate baby farm, then throwing them penniless on the street and encouraging them to suicide. Now it just so happens that surrogacy is one of those odd things that interests me. Sure, it's open to corruption, but on the whole I think it is a nice idea. I subscribe to the belief that two tragedies in life are children when you don't want them, and being unable to have them when you do! (Neither of which applies here, in case you were wondering.) So, I found the concept exploitative to say the least. The vague parallel between surrogacy & prostitution was a bit of stretch too - no one came out and said it, in fact it might have been an accidental mirroring, but euwww.

Oh yeah, the sub-plot was about corrupt US fat cats getting golden handshakes after losing the pension funds of everyone who ever invested in them. The female lie detector lady had brokered a deal that would get the money back in exchange for zero jail time. Her "radical honesty" sidekick decided it would be better for American society if the guilty was punished, even though he knew the money would stay hidden that way. But a dumb-ass bitch would go to jail, so I guess we can all sleep at night, eh? Then he lied to his boss. I hope someone kills him soon if that's where they're headed with his character.

And, we actually found out something useful and interesting about the main character and why he might be obsessed with micro-expressions. So that was good and I resented the framing crap. Grrr.

sorry, can't get the lj cut to work.